Man, I really need to get better at games. It wouldn't be so bad if I were one of those calm, winning-isn't-everything people who's just in it for the good times with friends or whatever. I don't give a shit about my friends. I want to win. I should make embroider a pillow that says, "Friendship isn't everything", that would really throw people for a loop. Anyway, like I've said before, I'm hyper competitive and I suck at almost everything. Trivia, video games, word games, sports, you name it. Once a little girl looked at me pityingly and said, "You're really bad at Candyland." Fact about Candyland: it is literally impossible to be bad at it. It is all luck. I just looked back at her and said, "Well, you're not very good at going through puberty." Stupid seven-year-olds.

This fact occurred to me again last night, when I was playing MarioKart (though Wii, not Double Dash, which is pretty much like ... why bother). I got a little too excited, and Evan had to give me some juice and a time out. I guess playing with my friends convinced me that it's okay to say, "I WILL LITERALLY RIP THE FLESH OFF YOUR PARENTS SKULLS' AND USE IT AS A MOISTURIZING FACE CLOTH" to a group of people you just met. Whatever. I think speed dating should all be centered around one MarioKart race, because I think you can tell a lot about a person from what happens in that time. For instance, with me, you could tell that you don't want to be around me ever again, and that I am awesome at sliding.

Maybe I should start making up my own games again. If I learned anything from being nine years old, it is: no one can beat you if they don't know the rules. Because you keep changing them.